1) Never shop whilst hungry :
This is an obvious one with you ending up going home with a bunch of foodstuffs which you didn't really need to buy.
2) Never shop whilst drunk:
Similar to the never shop whilst hungry, this one ends up with you going around accumulating crap you don't need and then wandering home drunk.
'The 2 presenters are homosexuals and the kids are there sex slaves'
'I think ED should storm the front, take out the two presenters. Take the kids hostage and all hail the ED gaming show...were they actually know something! (Must admit would make an interesting map'
'ive watched the show and its great, if you like 2 pricks who have been picked up out of the ghettos of london and thrown on tv. The whole show is bull**** and should be taken off the air. STOP TRYING TO BE GAMESMASTER, the real tv games show now dead'
'The Gamez Guru is funny, but he's too eccentric and not witty enough for my likin'
'Don't you just love the guru when he say's 'boyz` I hear you' and when the boyz` say please e-mail us at theboyz@gamezvile.tv thats theboyz@gamezvile.tv or e-mail the guru at guru@gamezvile.tv I LOVE THAT BIT!!! 5 G's!'
'lol Gamezville such a sad show, u need to see more of the guru and G-Team cos the 2 presenters are a pile of **** basically. Need more CS and half life info too, we dont wanna know about some sims ****.'
'It is a little kids show for nerds tbh.
I would own their asses at most the game they play. They suck and try to make out they know loads. The Gay Guru just gets his info off the internet which is what you all should do WASTE of money tbh.
BS TOO.'
"Gay Guro" LMAO. hes the funniest part of the show, because you can see he is not taking it seriosly.also get rid of the mobile bit. Who actually downloads games for thier mobile? they suck!'
'Yeah ive seen it a few times and i must say IT SUX ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how crap can u get???? jay and daz are idiots pure retards. The games guru is a bit wiered and he scares me sooooooooooooooo much take it off my tv plz.........enough said'
'Having masochistic tendencies, I have just been watching Gamesville again. They've just declared that Namco's very dodgy MotoGP2 on the PS2 to be far superior to Climax's exemplary MotoGP2 on the XBox. They gave it 3 gees, whatever they are.
Cunts, cunts, cunts. Perhaps that is what 3 gees means? '
'What the fuck is up with that show, The Games Guru looks like a paedophile, The two host no jack shit, Little kids who can’t play games give good games like Republic two gees because there don’t know how to play it dumb pricks.
--------------------
"California is like a beautiful, wild girl on heroin...who's high as kite and thinking she's on top of the world...not knowing she's dying...even if you show her the marks"
Here's one in relation to Gamesville on Sky One:
'Well, what a perfect piece of gaming television! Games literate presenters, input from hardcore gamers in the audience and well balanced reviews and news that was even hotter than those you find on the web. It was like Edge had its own show!
However, none of this is true. It was typical kids tv crap. Over zealous presenters, camera angles that induced motion sickness, ten year olds proclaiming that Crazy Taxi on the GBA is both 'cool' and 'wicked' (hint: it's shit) and that FIFA 2003 is the 'daddy of fottie games!!!! Oh fuck off.
At least on Gamesmaster some scrote could discover how he could switch his SNES on. The only decent part of this show was a nostalgic look at Outrun from a veteran gamer, although this 'All New' show failed to neglect to mention the forthcoming sequel.
In summary? Woeful.
--------------------
There was this one woman, Janine. And I don't know if her arse was nice, but it was... huge. So there was this tremendous sense of value. '
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything and everyone-and then leaves.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.
SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage)
What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops
working
to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce
with no
kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed
out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because
the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb
success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you
find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a
prime
example. Bill Clinton's video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only
to get screwed and die in the end.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error
message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be
located."
OHNO SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you
realise that you've just made a really BIG mistake.
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer
- Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes. - Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence. - Robert, 13
6. Don't squat with your spurs on. - Noronha, 13
7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
-Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your
school
assignment. - Traci, 14
10. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
- Mitchell, 12
11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9
12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
13. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9
14. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Kellie, 11
15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
-Naomi, 15
16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9
17. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom
when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13
19. Never try to baptise a cat. - Eileen, 8
New stats from ABS:
>
> 3 people die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
>
> 142 people were injured in 1998 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
>
> 58 people are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
> screwdrivers.
>
> 31 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
> fairy lights were plugged in.
>
> 19 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
> decorations were chocolate.
>
> Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
> accidents.
>
> 101 people since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled
> out of the soles of their feet.
>
> 18 people had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit
> cigarette in their mouth.
>
> A massive 543 people were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
> opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
>
> 5 people were injured last year in accidents involving out of control
> Scalectrix cars.
>
> And finally; 8 people cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep
> while throwing up into the toilet.
(On going to war over religion)
-- "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better
imaginary friend."
* Yassa Arrafat (PLO leader)
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
* Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner 1996)
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane:
Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
* Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's reading."
* Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,
but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
* Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid
problem?'"
* Arnold Swarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
* Tiger Woods
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'"
* Patricia Arquette
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in
poverty.
Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing
quite well
for themselves."
* Jerry Garcia(Grateful Dead)
"I've discovered that I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a Great White or if a
piece of seaweed touches my foot."
* Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer.
But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
* Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
* Jack Nicholson
Online adult DVD rental service WantedList.com announced a new contest. Playing "Label That Labia," sharp-eyed viewers have the opportunity to win a one-month membership to WantedList.com...
"It's really a simple contest," WantedList.com co-founder Anh Tran told AVNOnline.com. "We take a screen shot of a girl's labia and we put up six people's head shots and ask whose labia it is... Most days we like to sit around the conference table, drink, and ask typical drunken questions. One hazy morning, the question was asked, 'Can you tell for certain what your girl's vag looks like if you were given a random, but similar snatch shot?...'
Users can check the site every week for a new batch of vaginas to match to the corresponding visage...
1) How long is a piece of string?
2) If a tree falls in the forest, does it happen without independant visual perception as witness to said event.
3) What is the sound of one hand clapping?
4) What is happiness?
5) Are there any good men left?
6) Are there any sane women left?
Some answers:
1) who cares is a standard answer; as long as the specific length of the specific piece of string is the better answer.
2) Simple answer is no. If there is no witness, then it doesnt happen.
3) take the sound of two hands clapping and halve it.
4) Two answers; first is chemicals in the brain doing what they should be doing. Second answer is having something to be thankful for or look forward to.
5) A few but they are vastly outnumbered as far as I can see, I feel sorry for single women.
6) No, though there are some very nice ones.
Barbarians
"I once talked to an old cannibal," the famed anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski once recalled, "who, hearing of the Great war raging in Europe, was most curious to know how we Europeans managed to eat so such huge quantities of human flesh. When I told him the Europeans did not eat their slain foes he looked at me with shocked horror and asked what sort of barbarians we were, to kill without any real object."
Malinowski, Bronislaw (1884-1942) Polish-born British social anthropologist, founder of Functionalism (the belief that all components of society interlock to form a well-balanced system) [noted for his fieldwork in the southwest Pacific (among the Trobriand Islanders of New Guinea, 1915-18), Africa, and Mexico; and for such books as Argonauts of the Western Pacific and Sex and Repression in Savage Society]
[Sources: M. Driscoll, ed., 5087 Trivia Questions & Answers]
I have in my possession a manuscript which begins:
"As the sun goes down, all bloody and stained, I am reminded of the time I hunted humans with Elton John."
This has been knocking around the internet for years. I first saw it on Usenet in 1998. It's an OCR scan of a typed manuscript, so some of the spelling is a bit crappy. I don't know if that's an excuse or not. The ms purports to be by the reporter Carl Bernstein, who's been pretty much retired for at least ten years, as far as I know.
It was 1997. I was in San Diego, staying at the Hyatt on the harbour. I had just finished breakfasting on fresh wolf flown in from northern Norway, and was leaving the restaurant just as Elton John was waiting for a table. His skin was grey. His friend Gianni Versace had been found dead that morning, murdered by serial killer Andrew Cunanan. His nylon hair shone in the diffused glow of the fogbound morning light. I showed him my teeth and said hello. He saw something in my smile, I think. He leaned in and grinned. 'Let's find this fucker,' he hissed. I was a man with wolf on his breath.
In real life, Andrew Cunanan was found dead on a Florida houseboat, having apparently blown his own brains out eight days after killing Versace. The book tells the "true story" of Carl Bernstein and Elton John finding Cunanan in San Diego (unlikely, since Versace was killed just two and a half miles from where Cunanan was found) and hounding him back across America towards Florida and his death.
The security men shifted nervously as Elton John produced two needle guns from his Vuitton luggage. "Tungsten needles, gas-fired, tipped with toad venom," he laughed, snapping a silvered magazine into the butt of one pistol. "I bought my first set in 1974, for bar fights. That old Mrs Bowie, he doesn't talk shit to me anymore."
He passed me the gun and leered. "Muhammed Ali hasn't got fucking Parkinson's Disease. He has toad venom damage. So has Rod Stewart, but you wouldn't know it until he goes to the toilet."
1) MURDER ME DEADLY
A 15-year-old British grammar school boy has been convicted of inciting an internet friend to murder him.
The boy, who can be identified only by the pseudonym John, invented a cast of characters in a chat room as part of a plan to commission his own murder. Some of his inspiration came from James Bond films and the science-fiction blockbuster Men In Black.
He was 14 when he fell in love with Mark, a boy two years older, and adopted the guise of a female secret service agent to order his friend to stab him in an alleyway. Mark was meant to end his life with the words: "I love you, bro..."
2) FINGERS OF FAITH
Tens of thousands of people lined up Thursday to see one of Buddha's fingers -- on loan from China for 10 days -- and although they were herded past in a hurry, many said the relic offered Hong Kong fresh hopes for peace and calm.
Margaret Luk's eyes welled with tears after the 70-year-old retiree spent a fe
3) STATISTICS WE ALL LOVE TO HATE
Junk mail now accounts for nearly 70% of e-mails worldwide, according to filtering firm MessageLabs.
....If one studies the new testament, th ereal message one gets is that the real evil is MAMMON; Satan's considerably wealthier second cousin. Greed is not good. Greed is consumptive and looking at the statistic above, greed is also prevalent in hideous things like Marketing, advertising and the many many infringements that these horrible tools of Mammon make upon our personal well-being and our privacy. Spammers are evil; direct marketers are evil.
Spanky, a clown with the renowned Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus, has been arrested on charges stemming from a child pornography investigation, law enforcement officials said Tuesday.
Spanky, whose real name is Thomas Allen Riccio, 23, of Jacksonville, Florida, made an initial state court appearance Monday in Fayetteville, North Carolina, where he was traveling with the circus, the officials said. He faces 10 counts of third degree sexual exploitation of a minor.
Prostitute says government ruining trade
BERLIN (Reuters) - A leading German prostitute says the government is putting the squeeze on the legalised prostitution industry with a drive to collect taxes and plans to fine businesses that don't hire trainees.
Molly Luft, operator of a famous Berlin brothel with 10 freelance staff, said the government's moves would harm a profession that employs 400,000 in Germany and has annual sales of four billion pounds.
"People just don't have the money to pay for sex anymore," said Luft, 60, referring to the country's stagnant economy and the new tax pressures.
"Who can pay more than they can afford? These law changes will be disastrous for brothel operators," she said in an interview with Reuters Television on Friday.
2) ( so tempted to call this one ' stone the crows' ...)
Malaysians Shoot 4,700 Troublesome Crows
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - Volunteers shot down 4,700 crows in a Malaysian town where the birds were getting out of hand.
About 98 licensed shooters roamed through the town of Klang Saturday, killing as many crows as possible, said Mohamad Sharif Yusof, president of the town council.
"We are constantly receiving complaints from members of the public about crows which steal their food, dirty their cars with excrement and stain their laundry that is hung out to dry," he told the national news agency Bernama.
Each volunteer received a certificate and the equivalent of 40 cents for every crow shot in Klang, 25 miles west of Kuala Lumpur.
3) ( and this last one is just as good as the young hispanic girls who duped a group of older superstitious Mexican ladies in a Fiesta store in Austin, Tx by telling them that their money was cursed and that these kindly young girls would take their money and bless it overnight, thus ridding it of the curse. There's nothing like a con- especially a crap one that succeeds)
Imposter dupes old Chinese patriots
2 hours, 27 minutes ago
BEIJING (Reuters) - A conman took advantage of his resemblance to Sun Yat-sen, father of the revolution that toppled China's last emperor in 1911, to dupe a few patriotic old people out of their money, officials say.
Wang Jiancheng, 61, posed as Sun despite the fact the former Chinese president and national hero would be over 130 today, according to a statement from the Beijing Chaoyang District government on Monday.
As Sun, Wang claimed to have been living abroad "instead of having died in 1925 as the history books state", media said.
Wang and accomplice Chen Meiying, who claimed to be Sun's faithful servant of decades, convinced six men all over 80 to contribute a total of 240,000 yuan (16,000 pounds) to finance a "national investment project", the government said.
It did not say when the scam took place but the lenders were told their money would be returned within three months.
- Mood:
creative - Music:Radiohead- Hail to the thief...
'Solitary Salad' on Menu for Jailbirds
PARIS (Reuters) - Fancy a "Solitary salad" or some "Jail-style apple pancakes?" French prisoners have published their own cookbook to teach other inmates how to produce low-budget meals with simple prison cooking equipment.
The book, "Cooking Just For Me," seeks to live up to France's reputation for gastronomic excellence. It features 100 recipes by convicts that range from sophisticated fish dishes to rich chocolate cakes and desserts.
"Cooking in prison forces you to be creative: You only have a pan, a saucepan and an electric stove -- that's all," Claude Deroussent, a doctor in the Ensisheim prison in southeastern France who launched the project, told Reuters.
Deroussent called on France's 60,000 prisoners last year to send in their favorite recipes and asked renowned chef Marc Haeberlin to select the best out of an overwhelming 600 replies.
"I was very impressed by the prisoners' inventiveness," said Haeberlin, whose Alsatian restaurant L'Auberge de l'Ill near Strasbourg has received the Michelin guide's top three-star rating.
"Some prisoners have built their own oven by putting one electric stove on each end of a stool and wrapping aluminum foil around it," he said.
"Ingredients are another challenge. Not everything is as readily available as here in my restaurant. Some convicts say they save biscuits at breakfast to make cake later on."
Haeberlin said he was amused by the inmates' instructions on some of the recipes he received. One message read: "This recipe takes time. But time is not really scarce in here."
2) ( its a cliche but it still happens)
Man Bites Dog
Reuters - Fri May 7, 8:56 AM ET
A man fleeing police in the South African city of Durban bit the dog and police officer ordered to apprehend him, police said on Friday.
3)
Falling in Love -- a Gender-Bending Experience
Reuters - Thu May 6,10:28 AM ET
Falling in love -- that crazy, blissful feeling -- causes gender-bender changes in men and women's testosterone levels.
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